The Band-aid is not big enough anymore


It seems society is reacting to so many things quickly, with judgement and attack. Friends attacking friends for views that do not reflect their own. Families becoming distant strangers because of anger, resentment and judgement. Strangers staring at phones or screaming at passers by for what they view is some kind of infringement on their rights or making their day more difficult. We are all entitled to a bad day here and there when we react poorly to a situation, to me that’s human nature. When that happens we could and should take accountability and fix what we can then move forward knowing better as we have learned better.

Where I have discovered we are missing the step is taking accountability for our lives and our actions. Everyone looking for the next pill, guru or topic for argument to deflect away from the last. Self help books screaming speak positively and the Universe will follow, but no one actually able to FEEL those words many of the times because they have so much pent up inside and buried. Do not mistake I am a believer in looking for the positive in situations but in order to truly do that you must also view the pain, disappointment, anger or whatever else is the balance to that.

An analogy I use with my clients often is this. Emotional and physical pain often are not much different, in the aspect that you must view the wound to know what it needs to actually heal.

If I walk up and poke you in the arm, your reaction would probably be to look at me funny or say “Hey, what the heck?”. Then kind of move on with your day possibly thinking something is wrong with me. In short time you would have forgotten about it. It was not a big painful strike just a weird moment where someone caught your attention and you realized the issue was with them not you. BUT if I walked up and did the EXACT SAME light poke to your arm but under your sleeve was a large infected wound, you would react much differently. Depending on how painful the wound or how infected it had become due to duration of time it had been left here untreated your reaction would reflect that level of pain. You in that case might strike me, verbally, physically and excessively. Why? Because it hurt. It hit something that was unseen, yet to you was very painful. My intention may not have been any different that the first one that was non reacted to, but to you the pain was severe, even if my intentions were pure and your wound was unseen to me.

Emotional wounds are no different. When we continue to cover up our emotional wounds in whatever way we have found that works for us, some drugs and alcohol, some bullying, some violence, even some over attempting perfection in love and light. We are only putting a band-aid on the wound so we do not have to look at it. If we cover the wound on that arm and pretend it is not there by repeating “ Nice arm, healed arm, perfect arm” it will not heal.

At some point in order to actually be healed from the pain of the wound and infection we must have the courage to take off that band aid and look closely at the wound. When we do this we are able to determine the level of care it needs and that will be based on the degree of injury as well as the infection grown from neglecting it. There are times when we are unable to assess the needs for care to the wound. It has gone far past our basic knowledge and experience. So we then seek the care of a Doctor or other qualified person to help us determine what is needed to heal the wound and take the pain away. Emotional wounds are no different.

Sometimes we may remove that band-aid and after taking a look say This is not nearly as bad as I was afraid it would be. I can just clean it up and allow it out to the open and heal. Other times we may realize this is very painful and I need assistance with it. There are levels everywhere in between. Once we have decided to take a deep breath and pull the band-aid off, we have begun the process of freeing ourselves. We free ourselves from the mind talk which caused fear and anxiety over wondering about how bad that really is, we free ourselves from the sleepless nights wondering if the pain will ever go away, we free ourselves from the constant need of whatever pain reliever choice we have been using in order to survive without looking under that band-aid. WE START OUR ROAD TO FREEDOM.

As with any physical injury. There is no Doctor or Guru that can sit down and in 1 hour the wound disappears. There are many good an qualified people in many different areas to choose what resonates with you and help you assess and heal that wound with you, by offering tools and supportive care NOT for you effortlessly.

We seem to live in a society with quick fixes. People willing to pay top dollar for the thing that requires little or no efforts but solves years worth of neglect or issue. Unfortunately, in a society filled with greed and where integrity is not always a common factor there will be some willing to sell you whatever it is you want to hear. The truth will always be the truth. There are tools that can help ease the discomfort as the wound heals, but the wound healing still will take time, will have moments its painful and will require your care, attention and love in order to truly heal.

Once the wound is actually healed, lets look at that poke again. If it was a HUGE wound it may leave a scar that will be there forever, but even a very large scar that is still tender is very tolerable, and if poked might cause a bit of a sting but you would not react in great pain. The wounds that can actually heal and be unseen or felt anymore will no longer be reacted to at all. So as those around you on purpose (gaslight) or by accident poke that area you no longer react. You are healed and it can’t hurt you any longer.

It may seem like a difficult painful and scary task to pull that band-aid off. Ask yourself in truth. Is it really scarier than never being FREE!!?? Free of the addiction to whatever pain relief you have chosen. Free of the anger about anyone and anything that even pretends to go near it. Free of the anxiety of constantly being in fear and defensive of anyone finding out you have that wound hiding under your sleeve. Free of the wondering about how bad it really is and when will it over take you. Free of all the things that spin in your mind because you have this unknown, unseen thing hiding that is causing you pain. Which thought is truly scarier? Each person must answer that from their true heart and soul, in order to begin a true path to healing and recovery.

We live in what I call a Fast Food society. I want it fast, I want it now, I want no effort and I don’t care if its good for me. A society where if our burger at the drive through window is held up 2 minutes we are angry. We are frustrated. We are blaming them for their poor service and allowing that anger to carry forth to others we come in contact with. As far as choices go, we can not look at that processed burger and say salad salad salad and make it good and healthy. It will still be a burger we chose rather than taking the time to get what was good for us. We all have the right to make any choice we want. My point is that with a society continuing to believe that its someone else’s fault for our pain, struggle, reaction etc... we are a society with not only a wound on our arm but our body is covered in them and we are reacting to the pain of everything around us.

At some point the wounds will grow to the point that the band-aid is no longer big enough. The life choices and consequences will have followed us. No matter who originally cut your arm. Whether is was an unintentional accident or a vial attack or anywhere in between. It is your personal responsibility to care for yourself, your wounds and your healing. The neglect of that does not release you from the consequences in life you create reacting to a pain from the result of neglecting it. Blaming the person who originally cut you won’t make it better. Screaming I love you heal at the wound won’t make it better. Covering it with a beautiful band-aid decorated with rainbows and bunnies wont heal it. The only true healing will be to take it off, assess it, get the tools and needed to heal it, whether it be a professional for severe injury or love and topical care you know how to do, and any degree in between. You and only you are responsible for that.

BLESSINGS. May each and every one of you find the strength, dignity and self love needed to tear your band-aid off and heal your pain and take your power back.

Society, Grief and Forgiveness a difficult mix for many

With the holidays just past many suffer with a vortex of emotions when dealing with the loss of a loved one. For many it is a recent loss and for others it has been a pain they have struggled with, often in silence for years gone by. People passing by so easily saying “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Holidays” and others feeling a pain along with those words they are unable to describe.

Society saying it’s a time for joy, a time for family and happiness, which is true but for many this is a time where the empty spot within their heart grows larger and more painful. Being a young widow at the age of 44 after a 25 year marriage this is a topic that hits close to home and I understand to the fullest extent.

What I discovered in my personal journey is, society and even our loved ones have rules and opinions of how we are supposed to act and what we are supposed to do. Funny enough the ones with the strongest opinions in my case were people who had never suffered the loss of a spouse but were quick to decide what I was doing right or wrong.

The truth I have discovered is there are as many ways to grieve as there are people in the world. Just as we experience life events of any area differently based on our own life experiences we experience grief with all the same differences as well.

Being blessed with the gift of Mediumship as well as having a diploma in Hypnotherapy, I have the opportunity to help those who cannot seem to get past the emotions attached to grief, heal in a different way. It’s not that the pain ever truly goes away but many get stuck in a cycle of emotions, whether it is pain, anger, sadness, feeling lost and unable to move or any other form of emotion holding back their lives, it’s a time for healing.

The first thing I explain to my clients is “Let societies rules go”. Society did not love the person you loved, society did not experience the relationship you had, society did not live the life you lived and society is not lying with you in your bed while you cry. You are, your spirit is and your heart is broken. Allow your true feelings to be expressed and do not base how you should feel on what society says, instead base your healing on what you say and feel. After all, you are the one who feels it and only you know your own truth.

Then allow yourself to express your grief. No matter what it is. If you are angry they left you, scream it from the rooftops if you have to. If you are sad and afraid express that too. If you are sorry you didn’t resolve an issue or argument, cry and apologize and let those true feelings flow. There is no emotion that you truly feel that is not real. There is no way that you are feeling that is wrong. Holding onto those emotions and feelings afraid to speak them is where the real damage lies.

Once you have accepted any and all of the crazy emotions whirling within your mind, body and spirit. Forgive. Forgive yourself for every mistake and regret; forgive the person who passed for all of their mistakes and regrets. Forgive the world and the Universe for taking someone from your life to soon.

Change your view. Rather than focusing on not having them with you in life any longer, instead be grateful for not only the time you had, but the difference they made in your life, the lessons they taught you and the blessing they were.

No matter how they passed whether sudden, in a long illness or by choice, loss is loss. The pain of losing someone is no greater for one than another when it hits us so hard we can’t catch our breath or move forward.

My mediumship and spiritual belief says that our loved ones who have passed have gone back home. They are in a place where love is abundant, pain is not felt and life is seen for the entire picture not just view from the human mind. The only sadness felt is the sadness that those left behind feel in their absence.

Through Hypnotherapy we are able to experience and release grief and sadness as well as anger and any other emotion attached to grief. We can allow our mind, body and spirit to feel and experience the love within that causes the pain to be so great.

Our loved ones did not want us sad or unhappy while they were here with us on the Earth plane. I can assure you they do not wish to be responsible for our struggles with pain in life from where they watch over us now.

Your experience is your experience and is as real as it feels. There is a light within the darkness and in time it is possible to see it again.


Lisa Efflandt

Hypnotherapist/Intuitive Medium

Changing Perceptions, LLC

Stage Hypnosis vs. Hypnotherapy

I am writing this today to help clear up some questions on what it is I do, and my view of it all.

It never fails that I get the question “Are you going to make me bark like a dog? or dance like a chicken?’ “NO”, I am not, unless that what your request is when you come to me, I will give it my best shot.

I got into this work when searching for not only my own inner healing, but when I loved people who were struggling incredibly, and traditional therapies were not getting them where they wanted to go. That is not to say, that I disagree with any form of traditional therapy that works for someone, or that I will not work in conjunction with traditional talk therapists. I have,and I do. So let me try to explain and put this into perspective for those who fear it, or have a misunderstanding of it. Please understand that I am well aware views are different, but I work from within my own heart space, life experience and education. I am not here to debate someones view, only to share my own with you, I am the one you would be sharing time and space with.

You are born with only 2 natural fears. The fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. The natural instinct of fight or flight is also in place. From that moment until around 8 or 9 years old you are a sponge. Absorbing the environment around you in all forms. Situations, words spoken and feelings are being placed into your subconscious mind to be used throughout your life as a protective mechanism of right and wrong, good and bad.

Through out life we continue to learn, grow and discover but for many they struggle with issues of self esteem, self sabotage, confidence in their ability and so forth. They battle with themselves knowing and feeling their desired life and self view but mind talk that keeps them at war in or doubt of it all.

You are basically having that war with the 8 year old version of yourself. It is the subconscious view of life, you had before your conscious mind came into full play. Many of us had situations whether it be events, families, traumas and so on that have caused us to download views of ourselves or our value, that are not beneficial in our lives now that we are adults functioning in the world.

Through Hypnosis, we are able to access that subconscious, and reprogram it to speak those views, now from an adult and wiser self. I will share with you how a typical session plays out. So you can understand why it is more then Hypnosis but Hypnotherapy.

First I have you fill out an extensive background and life history. Help me to understand you. The REAL you. Not the expected version of you that you must show. That will not help us access the deep seeded beliefs.

A Session: first 1/3 you explaining to me how you are feeling or struggling and how you would prefer to feel. second 1/3 me clarifying what you have told me and discussing a plan with you. last 1/3 of the session. Hypnosis. During this we implement these new views into the subconscious beginning the process of not only thinking what you wish to feel, but actually beginning to allow yourself to FEEL what you wish to feel.

Misconception: A miracle will take place in one session. YES, many clients feel relief in 1 session, but I am not a stage hypnotist and I don’t do mind tricks. My goals, my heart and my mission is to help people heal those wounds and thoughts for good. Many of us have carried these thoughts and feelings through out our lives, so we have in turn attached behaviors to them. This is a step process of change for life. Just as bad or negative behaviors had to be developed, they can be changed as well.

The first step to change is acknowledgment there is an issue. Then we begin to dig for not just the symptoms of the issue, but the actual core wound that created it in the first place. This is not meant as a band-aid or medication to hide the pain, it is meant as a healing of the wound, so that you can move on free of the pain.

I do not wish to show you any trick, that you then leave in an hour with a fun experience. What my goal is, is to show you the depths of healing that is within you, and through Hypnosis create a softer and more gentle environment in which to heal.

You are 100% conscious and aware during the entire session. AT NO TIME are you unaware of what is being said, and even more comforting is, we have taken the time to discuss the plan together prior to the actual hypnosis.

OTHER TOPICS AND ADVANTAGES: Dealing with trauma in life, PTSD, abuse, anxiety, motivation, chronic pain and illness and more.

I hope this has cleared up some of the questions. If you have questions that have not been covered or fears about this, please feel free to contact me and ask.

My mission is to help people heal. Not judge peoples choices or past.